The Price

So my friend asked if awakening was easy. I mentioned it wasn’t easy or simple for me. I don’t know if all awakenings are created equal. I know the ones I have read about have been rather blissful. For me it was not. It was sporadic. I mentioned I was working on myself to manifest something. A simpler life. I was not about dogma or spirituality. I didn’t study it either. I was doping what people do in order to manifest a different or better life. Shadow work, self love, forgiveness, all the usuals. Did them for 3-4 months everyday. Like I said to make my life easier. I mentioned and hinted about my life. You will never get the full run down as I am ironically a private person. But if a 2 week Kundalini process I believe is how long it was you will have to check the posts around Aug 16-20th time frame. It was a long process.

If that is any consolation I had much to burn away. I mentioned I have done many incarnations and with this life so I had much. I mentioned the dragon before. My sister’s roll. My echoes roll. I even channelled my echo at the time to explain it in his terms. There are 100 welds. Ends with the crown chakra. I watched as I was in the void scared and intrigued. Scared that the old life of all my masks, safety, and knowledge I have clinged on in my life for support was gone. All that would be left was who I was always in the first place. Who I am is not an easy thing to tell in a logical mind. I mentioned I have a 130 IQ. I am not someone who accepts grandiose things like yay. I would demand them to show me the data. Prove themselves. I would analytically break down every single detail, go over the data, looking for holes in it. I shared much in those beginning posts every story, ritual, parable it was between Ishtar, Me, and the Akashic.When I was staring in the void the feeling of complete and total nakedness. Stripped of all masks, safety, I had the data in my hands as I was holding onto it making sure I knew. I knew I wasn’t losing it. I couldn’t explain this. I held onto it. Then I tested them. They tested me. Even as I was testing them they tested me. Like true teachers and ironically family. They didn’t hold my hand. They showed love, told me to laugh, and were patient. But they were also not coddling me. I don’t blame them. I know the knowledge I have learned about myself and remembered came with a cost. True knowledge has a price tag.

Simple knowledge comes in fortune cookies. So it had a very high price tag. One I paid for. And one I would never ever regret. I lost a lot when this happened but I gained so much more. 13 weirdos, a knowing of who I am, and knowledge that I paid for. So that is why I say it wasn’t easy. Why I won’t ever entertain someone’s ego and ontological things. Most never paid the price for any of the knowledge and came with fortune cookie data. Will it be like that for everyone? I don’t know. I love transparency and no falseness. So I won’t generalize everyone. Some it might be a spa treatment. Some of it might happen in a deep meditation. For me it was very violent. But worth every amount of pain. Then the 13 are worth everything and remembering that feeling. It was what helped me put the pieces together. They were what I had been missing all along and could never explain.